Okay, I was watching Disney Channel (nothing else is on) and they're doing in-between commercials about new Disney Channel shows and they were talking about the Spin-Off of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody and about the new character in the spin-off named Bailey. Since Ashley Tisdale isn't coming back to be Maddie they cast this newcomer Debbie as Bailey. And they're doing this profile on Debbie on how she used to be a regular girl and then got the part of Bailey and had to move to L.A. and how much her life has changed.
I swear to you, I almost started to cry. It's like, why does she get to be an actress and I don't!? It's not fair! I can act and dance and with some training I bet you I could sing really well (my current singing voice is pretty good for now)! I can do everything! But can I become an actress? No! Why? Become my mother would die of shame if I was on TV! Everyone else's parents would be THRILLED to see their child on TV, but no! Not my mother! I told her I wanted to be an actress and she literally CRIED over it-she was so sad!
The thing I don't understand is she would LOVE for me to be a singer or a dancer-both of those fall under "performer/may-or-may-not-happen" jobs JUST LIKE ACTING. So, why can I do those and not acting? What's the difference? I'd be just as famous as a dancer on "Dancing With The Stars" (she wants me to be one of the professionals) or a singer. Why is acting so different? It's my most favorite thing to do! And just the other day she was talking about how I could be a screenwriter for a movie and Uke can film it. And it's like, I want to be IN FRONT of the camera-NOT BEHIND IT.
I am very, very close to tears here...I just can't believe how unfair this is.

Sorry for the rant but writing or typing things out helps me.

-Chibi

Yay! I am so happy everyone liked the shirt I wore today! It was a black t-shirt that reads, "I prefer vampires so I joined Team Edward. But that's because there's no Team Emmett." and everyone that was a 'Twilight' fan that I showed it to loved it. Even one of the girls in my drama class who's an Edward fan all the way. But yeah, I was so happy everyone liked it.

Tomorrow I'm wearing this new outfit my mom bought me. And I'm going to do my hair too and possibly my eye-makeup if I get up early enough. It's time to show "Royce" he doesn't know what he's missing. LOL.
-Chibi

It is as the title says.
Today it finally hit me the person who I thought was my Emmett is not Emmett. He's Royce. I was just too stupid to see it. I mean, I don't really know how I could've been so stupid. My friends tried to tell me, but no, I refused to listen. But now "Royce" has found someone new. I wish I could say the same for myself. But no one stands out to me in my school the same way "Royce" did/does.

You know, I bet this is how Rosalie felt after Royce left her to die after he and his drunken friends raped her in the middle of the street. She probably felt sad, along, torn inside and felt like there was nothing left. But then she became a vampire and met Emmett and turned him into a vampire and was able to marry him and be with him forever. And as long as I'm following Rosalie's path it means the next one is my real Emmett. But it just makes me wonder how long of a road is this going to be? How much longer until I find Emmett? I also question if I'll even want Emmett or know who he is when I meet him. "Royce" has pretty much scared me for life on love and I don't know if I'll ever be ready for someone new when he comes along. LOL, I pity Emmett kind of, having a Rosalie who is reluctant to start a relationship with him! But we'll have to see what happens when the time comes.
-Chibi

Oh and I'm going to Chinatown tomorrow to make up the project I have due in my English class. I'm going with my friend Jason. Neither one of us were able to make it on the fourteenth. I don't know what my English teacher was thinking when she set up a field trip on the same day as my show! I mean, honestly, what was going through her head. I would never do that to one of my students, I mean really! But on the day of the actual field trip I stayed behind and educated the sub, alongside Asya, in the ways of Twilight. Now that was a lot of fun! He even let us use the computer! It was the most fun I've ever had on a sixth period on a Friday-nonetheless.
I'll let you know how Chinatown goes.
-Chibi

Sigh, spring break is almost over. I will miss the sleeping in but there is a part of me that does want to go back to school. I want to work harder and improve my grades for one. And I want to work on being a better, happier person at break times. I'm sure I can do it, I just need to remember not everything everyone does has to do with me. It's important that I learn that to better my life. And to keep from being just like watashi no otousan. There's no way I'm going to continue to sink to his level. No way, my goal is to be better than him, I have to keep that in mind. I'm also gonna start thinking more positively and know in my heart if I think positive thoughts, good things will happen.
But oh how am I going to miss the extra sleep....my favorite thing in the world. LOL.
-Chibi

My Easter Sunday was nice. I got the 'Enchanted' DVD and I ended up watching it twice just because I loved it so much! I also found out the 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' movie is coming out on DVD April first. I never got to see it and I can't wait to see it. I know critics said it was a bad movie, but seriously, critics don't like anything, so whatever. I also heard they're making a 'Chipmunks' sequel and it'll have the girl Chipmunks (Brittany, Jeanette and Elanor) in it! I'm really excited about that!!!
Anyway, no Easter egg hunt for me, but I did get a "basket" from my mom. I have pink rabbit Peeps, which is perfect for me! It's so exciting! Lol.
I also sent all my friends a happy Easter text message, I hope they all see it!
-Chibi

My mom and I went to the bookstore and she pre-ordered me a copy of Breaking Dawn!!! How cool is that!? I am so excited for this book to come out! The best part is Breaking Dawn comes out August 2nd the day after summer school finishes! I get to finish summer school and start a cool new book the day after! This is working out perfectly.
-Chibi

hey everyone
this is my first journal post and mostly I'm posting this to make sure I know how to correctly use the website.
Anyway, I'm doing better than I was before. To my friends who know I was upset yesterday in school, well my mom wasn't as upset as I thought she would be. And everything is ok again, so no worries.
-Chibi